I don't know what I'm doing here, in college.
there's nothing I have here, and I don't even understand the subjects that are being taught here. One thing I know for sure is that I don't know what I'm doing here.
I was thinking that if I focus the subjects from the fist time the class up, I might do better, understand, and be clear with all the matters. But in fact, I don't. No matter how hard I focused, no matter how hard I tried, up to now I don't even know every single word the lecturers told in the class.
I just realize that my campus is providing us [collegian] the matters that are too difficult to be done, to be understood, to be cleared. Just the expert students that have been working with those stuff since the day they were not in college yet. And I think, even the students that are working so hard with study and tasks and suchlike, they also face a pretty hard time or moment with it, and maybe they still not equal with the previous kind of student.
So my question is, what about the students like me? who I think, are the majority kind of student in the world! those who play equal with their study, those who cheat on their quizzes, those who failed for a couple times on a couple subjects, those who prefer to have a clear mind on the subject and do the task instead of play around like a child, spent their parents money, but actually it's what they are. what about those people?
I will not be a programmer, or web engineer, or such else at the time after I graduate from here. [..I wish I'll graduate soon..]. That's why I think this college time of life of mine is such a waste.
I think I'll do business instead. because as far as I'm concerned, I don't quiet enjoy office jobs [but maybe I'm wrong]. But why am I thinking that way? the reason is because they have bosses there, while the bosses have another bosses, and those bosses have another more bosses and partner bosses, and on and on.
one day I wanna have a bar, at my hometown maybe. and I wanna do design[digital: web or photographic or digital image or else]
I wanna have salary and enjoy my life properly. I wanna travel around the world just like what photographers do, it seems so challenging and memorable and so exciting at once.
The supportive mind of mine on give-it-more-courage-on-college are:
-Jesus keeps His Promises.
-Jesus approves every prayers asked to Him.
-I don't wanna fail and be such a shame to my family.
-I wanna make my parent's dreams come true.
-I wanna make them happy.
-I am hanged on by several important people in my life.
-I wanna do what right for myself [in the present maybe, if I'm doing the right thing, or in the future, if now I'm not doing the right thing, but this could be the "ingredients" for my future]
-I think in the future there'll be lot more jobs for me than in the present time, so I don't have to worry it now.
-Even though I am not one of the best, but I Am One Of The Kind, I Am One Of The 2 Billion People. It means The World Needs Me.
-and [Thank God!] I am unique and talented [I'm just writing it, though I don't know what are mines, but I know I have ones]
Ave Maria, gratia plena. Domis tecum. Benedicta tu in mulieribus, et benedictus fructus ventris tui, Jesus.
Sancta Maria, Matter Dei, ora pro nobis peccatorubis. Nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae.
Amen
1 komentar:
It's normal to have doubts in college. I went to college to earn my bachelors degree in computer science, and while I have always loved computers, and thought that I would be a good programmer, I very often dreampt of quitting. I frequently questioned myself and why I was doing what I was doing. I was a musician, an actor, an artist, what the hell was I doing at a technical school? Well, the answer is, I was training for my career, so that in life I would be able to afford to do the things that I love to do. Some people think that the best job is the job that involves doing what you love to do. This may be true, but for me, the best job is the one that you do well and pays the bills. With the bills paid, you are free to spend your money on hobbies, and those hobbies can one day become the career that you love. But in your youth, say from ages 20-35, it's perfectly normal to just do whatever job pays the bills. For me, my job as a programmer has given me the freedom and funding to become the photographer that I am. The job is not exactly what I LOVE to do, but as I said, it pays the bills, and it is what I learned to do in college, so I feel that it completely justifies my college education.
Don't worry, this is all normal, you'll figure it all out.
I think you should worry more about what makes you happy than what makes your family or Jesus happy.
~josh
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